Strange title? It was born out of my bitter experience. This is the second time I’ve made these unbelievably soft, sweet, yummy, gooey buns of perfection. Seriously they are all that and a bag of chips (cheddar and sour cream Lays, please).
I thought since we were just having pizza (the lack of a menu plan has so kicked my butt this week), I would actually make dessert/evening snack. I then thought about how my family absolutely demolished the last batch of these cinnamon rolls. So I began the process expecting my adoring family to fall at my feet and adoringly lavish their praise on the culinary gift I was bestowing upon them. The children were excited and couldn’t wait for them to be done and, yes, they fell upon them like wild beasts who hadn’t eaten in weeks. Satisfying to the cook’s ego? Oh yeah.
Not so much so the hubby. “You’re making what? Why?” “Um, I thought you liked them?” “I do, way too much! I thought we were eating better.” So I explained I was planning to freeze some and send a few to his brother (next door neighbor). This seemed to mollify him somewhat, I think it was all a pretense anyway.
So I sent over four giant gorgeous cinnamon rolls, still warm from the oven, to my sister-in-law. Within five minutes, my phone rings. My sister-in-law is not happy. “How dare you send over homemade rolls still hot from the oven? Don’t you know I’m on a diet? Do you know that’s the first bite of real sugar I’ve had in two months? You have caused me to fall off the wagon.” Sigh… I was so upset by all the anger I had to eat another roll to make myself feel better. (I may have taken some artistic license with this conversation, she actually did say those things but she was only mildly irritated at me and she still loves me so we’re okay.)
I have done my job and warned you about the dangerousness of this recipe, please undertake this at your own risk and with the knowledge you could single-handedly crush diet plans everywhere (but they are SO worth it). You MUST try them. The recipe is a little long but it's really not complicated.
The Ungrateful Cinnamon Rolls
½ c water
2 Tbsp yeast
2 Tbsp sugar
1 - (3 ½ oz) package vanilla pudding
½ c unsalted butter, melted
1 tsp salt
7-8 cups bread flour
1 c. unsalted butter, softened
4 tsp cinnamon
2 cups brown sugar
CREAM CHEESE FROSTING (I omit the cream cheese)
8 oz cream cheese
½ c. butter
1 tsp vanilla
3 c. confectioners sugar
1 Tbsp milk
1. In a small bowl, hand whisk the water and the yeast and let stand 2 to 3 minutes. Add sugar.
2. In the mixing bowl of an electric mixer, prepare pudding according to package directions.
3. Add butter, eggs, salt and mix well.
4. Add yeast mixture.
5. Blend and gradually add the flour, kneading on slowest speed of mixer, until dough is smooth (8 to 10 minutes).
6. Insert the bowl into a large plastic bag and let dough rise until doubled (45-60 minutes).
7. Gentle deflate dough in the bowl and shape into a ball, and let rise again.
8. Gently turn out onto a lightly floured board.
9. Then roll out on floured board to approximately 30" x 20".
10. Take 1 cup soft butter and spread over surface.
11. In bowl, mix 2 cups brown sugar and the cinnamon.
12. Sprinkle over top.
13. Roll up very tightly.
14. With knife, put a notch every 2".
15. Cut rolls with dental floss or a sharp knife. (knife works fine!)
16. Place rolls on a lightly greased cookie sheet (2 inches apart).
17. Lightly press down on each roll.
18. Cover and let rise until doubled.
19. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes.
20. Remove rolls when they start to turn golden.
21. For Cream Cheese Frosting, combine all ingredients with a whisk, in a medium bowl, until smooth and soft. Frost buns while they are still warm.